On Regret (22 July 2014)

A very sketchy picture of the maps in my head. Not adequately explained and not clear enough. 

 

The definition of Regret is a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviours. Regret is often expressed by the term "sorry." Regret is often a feeling of sadness, shame, embarrassment, depression, annoyance, or guilt, after one acts in a manner and later wishes not to have done so.

 

Or so says Wikipedia, Ad Verbatim.

 

Now on my journey back home, this concept intrigued me. This whole issue of “Man, I totally regretted doing that”, or threats of “you’re gonna regret this” from overly protective parents and also notably, the rather thought provoking rhetoric “When you die, will you have any regrets?”

So I looked at the stimulus for regret. Exactly what triggers this deplorable feeling, this horribly soul-draining sensation?

 

Well, quite obviously, if a particular situation had turned out favourably for you, there would be no regret. So we can associate regret with having incurred losses (this is a very superficial and vague generalisation of things). If we use the economic theory of cost-benefit analysis or a pros vs cons argument, if the costs (cons) are greater than the benefits (pros), then it will necessarily follow that regret will be triggered in all varying degrees. If however, the benefits (pros) outweigh the costs (cons), then this feeling of regret will not be stimulated. For example, I am in a group of friends and in an attempt to sound reasonably humorous and witty and to create some sort of presence in this social circle, I make a joke about weight at the expense of my obese friend. Now, if in doing so, people form a negative judgement about me, that I’m insensitive, I’m cruel or barbaric and they condemn me for my callous words, then the cons are significantly greater than the pros. Certainly I’ve made an impression on them. However, this impression is not pleasant and I have not achieved my purpose of being funny and to be known in a positive manner. You could factor in the physical cost of saliva used to utter that joke but it’s pretty much infinitesimal.

 

In contrast, if I make a similar joke and its accepted as funny and people laugh and their impressions of me improve, would I still feel this sense of regret? I’m discounting the moral conscience aspect of “Oh, did I hurt that guy’s feelings?” but looking at it from a very pragmatic, utilitarian perspective. The answer is of course, no. This sense of regret would not be present because I have “gained” something out of it rather than having “lost” something as illustrated earlier.

 

Thus, one action, two different outcomes, one positive, one negative and the latter produces regret while the former does not. Evidently, if the pros outweigh the cons of the action, regret will not be triggered. As a caveat, the idea of pros and cons cannot be properly defined. It is up to the individual’s standards to determine whether the outcome is beneficial or not. Often enough, it is intuitive to an individual whether the outcome is good or bad based on personal judgement and there is no objective scale used across the whole of humanity.

 

Nevertheless, we can conclude that regret is triggered only after an assessment has been made that the cons of an action outweighs the cons.

 

Yet, there are a multitude of instances where people, even after knowing that a particular action will not reap benefits, still persist in that action.

 

This can be attributed to self-rationalisation where an individual attempts to justify his actions and convinces himself (in varying extents) that such an action will be beneficial though his intuition tells him otherwise. Again, an example is me, 3 days before a major exam. Now I can choose to study or I can choose to Dota. Instincts tell me that I’ll regret playing. Yet, I justify that by playing, I set my mind to a state of relaxation and this in turn, will enhance productivity later on in studying. This is my initial assessment of the action of playing Dota. So I choose to play. Now, one outcome is that yes, indeed, I feel empowered after winning and I continue with studies with great fervour. Or I could lose and feel completely trashed or I could win and desire more heart pounding, adrenaline pumping computerized action. Whatever the outcome is, it’s only after an action has been made that I’m in the position to assess if my decision was right which in turn would result in varying degrees of regret (Man, I got owned! Should have studied: Huge regret. Yea! Complete victory but I wasn’t the team carry. Good game but maybe I should have studied: Minor regret. Battle to the last second! Now let’s study! : No regret). The examples in the parenthesis are the final assessments of the action of playing Dota.

 

Conclusion of this matter is that its only in retrospect, as you delve back into your actions and analyse from the spiritual, emotional, mental, metaphysical or any “-al” point of view can you gather a comprehensive and informed assessment whether a right course of action has been taken as opposed to initial assessments. This would, consequently, influence the quantity of regret created.

 

So here, we can come to this understanding that regret must fulfil two conditions. One, the cons must outweigh the pros and two, only after the event has taken place and a process of introspection is being carried out then can we form the parameters for regret to surface.

 

Thus, the answer to having to having no regrets in life is one, to always ensure that they pros outweigh the cons in every decision. This involves a genuine conviction that my action will reap more benefits than the cost. Or two, to never stop and reflect and to be blind to everything except whatever is in front of you. So yes, because we know that these two are improbable situations, life will inevitably, be filled with regrets.